


(un)lost

by suhrealist



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - High School, Coming of Age, Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, side JohnJae - Freeform, side dokun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27578075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suhrealist/pseuds/suhrealist
Summary: At seven years old, Ten already knew what he wanted to do with his life. And that was to win at everything, at all costs.The unfortunate part?He doesn't often get to.With a new school, new friends, and new interests, how is Ten going to cope with the "best four years of his life"?
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52
Collections: NCT Bigbang Round 1





	(un)lost

**Author's Note:**

> _"unaware of where i'm going  
>  or if i'm going anywhere at all  
> but i know i'll take the leap  
> if it is worth the fall  
> so long as the blood keeps flowing  
> i'll set a sail and swim across  
> i'm not looking to be found  
> just want to feel (un)lost"_   
>  \- the maine
> 
> listen to the playlist [♡](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0TsBFiBw6mTp2tvgDj2Hud?si=my-HUuYhSqi9Hfz98kVEEA)  
> check out riah's lovely work of art [♡](https://twitter.com/see_thevision/status/1336871476197281793?s=21)

✧ 0 ✧

At seven years old, Ten already knew what he wanted to do with his life. And that was to win at everything, at all costs.

The unfortunate part?

He doesn't often get to.

He's smaller than most of the other boys, especially his own best friend, Johnny (who's really just a monster of a kid. Who _allowed_ him to be that tall?) He's out of practice too, not having the luxury to just play outside all day. His parents have insisted on tutors, piano lessons, and all sorts of other extracurriculars that didn’t allow him to see his friends very often outside of school.

So when Johnny proposes they all take turns riding on his brand new skateboard during his birthday party and Ten almost immediately falls off, well… let's just say he isn't in the best mood.

He waves off Johnny's attempt to comfort him and stalks off to a corner of the yard to sulk, watching the other boys continue to play around on the street. He knows it's a terribly childish move but he's _seven_. He's still allowed to have tantrums, isn't he? And besides, he promises to make it up to Johnny later, once he's wallowed enough in his defeat and embarrassment.

He's thinking about moping around on the swingset when he notices a strange kid already sitting on one of the seats, his eyes glued to the ground. Ten shrugs, not really minding the company, as long as said kid didn't see him eat dirt when he crash landed just a few minutes ago.

"Can I sit here?" Ten asks, already grabbing the chains on the unoccupied swing. The kid looks up for a second then nods, his big brown eyes already laser focused back on the ground.

Not a talker, Ten supposes, kicking his feet up and swinging as high as his little legs can take him. He can already hear his parents' voices in his head. _Get down this instant! You're going to break your neck!_ But they don't know where he is. He only has this weird kid as his witness. Maybe he should ask for his name.

"What's your name?" Ten asks. The other boy startles, as if he didn't expect Ten to start talking to him again.

"Um, Taeyong."

"I'm Ten, like the number. Don't ask."

"I wasn't going to."

Normally Ten would be offended at Taeyong's shortness, but he comes off as awkward more than hostile, and Ten kind of warms up to him immediately. Like he wants to coax more out of his new companion.

"What's so interesting down there? You like your shoes that much?"

"Wh- no? I was watching the ants…"

Ten studies the ground closer and finally notices the line of ants marching from one end of the swingset to the other, some carrying stray crumbs, probably from the other messy kids at the party. They move in lines, sometimes bumping into each other but carrying on as if nothing happened. It's not the most interesting thing in the world, but Taeyong seems enraptured anyway.

"So, uh, you like bugs?" Ten asks, trying to break the silence.

"Yeah. I love all sorts of animals."

For the first time, in the few minutes they've been in each other's company, Ten sees Taeyong's lips curl up into a small smile. Ten wonders what else he could do, just so he can see it again.

✧ 1 ✧

Ever since they were kids, Ten and Johnny already knew where they were going to study when high school came along. Both their parents graduated from one of the most prestigious boarding schools in South Korea, and they expected nothing less from their sons.

“Can you believe we’re finally here?” Ten asks, craning his neck to look up to the top of the dormitory buildings. Their parents had left them to talk some things over with the admin and instructed them to start moving in.

“Nope, but here we are,” Johnny says with a chuckle. He opens up the envelope that contained his room assignment and scans over it before his eyes widen in surprise. “Taeyong?”

“Taeyong? As in, Lee Taeyong?” Ten stands on his tiptoes, reading over Johnny’s shoulder.

“How do you know him?” Johnny asks, raising his eyebrow at Ten.

“Remember when your parents used to throw those unnecessarily huge parties? I’ve spoken to him once or twice. He’s… nice.”

“I’m surprised you even got him to talk to you.”

“Oh, it wasn’t easy.” Ten smiles a little, remembering that scrawny kid he’d often find away from all the chaos. He was quiet, yes, but not bad company at all.

“Anyway, apparently he’s my roommate? I’m not sure if it’s the same Taeyong but… wanna go check?”

“Sure, why not?”

Ten follows Johnny into the large dorm building, the main hall filled with new students already mingling and introducing themselves to each other. Ten spots a few familiar faces, mostly kids of his parents’ coworkers and rich friends. He waves at some of them but doesn’t stop to talk. Instead, the pair make their way up the stairs to look for Johnny’s room.

“204, 205, 206… Ah, here we go!” The door to Johnny’s room was left ajar, the sound of someone shuffling around inside drifts out the corridor.

“Um, hello?” Johnny calls, lightly knocking on the door and opening it wider.

“Johnny?” A voice replies. It’s deeper than Ten remembers. A little huskier.

“Taeyong! Dude!” Johnny laughs and immediately envelopes the other person in a hug.

When Johnny finally steps back from the hug, Ten realizes he can barely recognize Taeyong. He’s certainly grown a lot taller. Not quite as tall as Johnny but he’s a good few centimeters taller than Ten. He’s still a little scrawny but the beginnings of muscles peek out from his shirtsleeves. His eyes though, they’re still as big and bright as before.

“You remember Ten, right?” Johnny asks, gesturing towards Ten who’s still awkwardly standing by the doorway.

“Oh, yeah… hi,” Taeyong greets him, his voice going quiet again. “Um, come on in! Sorry for the mess…”

“That’s fine, I should uh, go look for my own room,” Ten replies, already stepping back out into the corridor. Johnny sends him an inquisitive look but Ten just waves him off.

“Well, let’s meet up for dinner later?” Johnny asks.

“Yeah, sure. Just text me when you’re all done here.” Ten smiles at the new roommates, hiking up his bag on his shoulder.

He didn’t really expect to end up being roommates with his best friend. Not when there were over a hundred new students. This was supposed to be a chance to branch out, meet new people, discover new interests.

But that doesn’t stop the coiling in Ten’s gut when he sees Johnny throw his arm around Taeyong, already laughing as if they’ve been the closest of friends this whole time.

✧✧✧

Ten would never admit he spent his first few days of boarding school moping around. But that’s exactly what he did. It’s not his fault he felt insecure about Johnny immediately making new friends while he barely exchanged words with his new roommate. He wasn’t very chatty and they both tended to keep to themselves.

“Hey, uh, wake up. You’re gonna be late for class.”

Ten shoots up from his bed and throws his blankets off of him. Doyoung, his roommate, is just about ready to head out, only stopping for a second to fix his tie in front of their shared mirror. Ten scrambles around for his own uniform, throwing it on haphazardly and looking like a complete mess especially beside Doyoung, who’s been waiting by their door this whole time for some reason.

“Come on, I don’t wanna miss our first lesson.”

Feeling his chest swell just a little bit, Ten dutifully follows behind Doyoung, grateful for the quiet company. A couple of upper years greet them on their way out of the dorm and Ten sends them a smile back. He hears Doyoung cluck his tongue as he checks his watch, his pace speeding up. Ten hurries to keep up with him, not wanting to be reprimanded at his first class of the day.

The view of the mountains out on the horizon greets Ten from the pathway leading to the school buildings. His feet are itching to run on the dewy grass but he has to wait just a little longer to get back outside in his free time. Out on the football field, he sees Johnny and Taeyong with the rest of their class, sitting on the grass while waiting for the gym teacher and laughing at one of Johnny’s dumb jokes probably.

Ignoring the dull pain in his gut (it’s from skipping breakfast, he swears), Ten tears his eyes away from the scene and heads to class.

✧✧✧

It’s one of those days when Ten actually gets up early enough to catch the end of the breakfast rush. He’s making a beeline for his usual table when a voice shouts his name from the other side of the dining hall. It really is impossible to ignore Johnny when he’s standing on his seat and waving his gangly arms in the air.

“You’re actually awake!” Johnny greets as Ten approaches his table. Ten laughs awkwardly, tugging at the hem of his sweater vest, suddenly unsure of how to act around his own best friend.

“Come on, sit with me for once! I want you to meet some people…”

He then introduces Ten to Jaehyun who’s been Johnny’s seatmate in several classes and the two seem to have hit it off immediately. Ten studies him carefully, but there’s nothing but amity in his eyes and the dimples on his cheeks when he smiles.

“Oh, and you already know Taeyong,” Johnny continues, gesturing to the bleary eyed boy sitting across him. Ten’s gotta say it doesn’t look like Taeyong has gotten any sleep. “Forgive him for his lack of conversation skills, he’s only like half awake right now.”

Ten acknowledges Taeyong with a nod, taking a seat beside him and leaving a decent amount of space between them. Taeyong doesn’t seem to mind, wordlessly passing a pile of toast over to Ten, who takes it with a quiet “thanks”.

Without missing a beat, Johnny starts to regale Ten of all the mishaps that occurred during their first gym class. Ten listens, always attentive to Johnny’s stories, laughing and exclaiming at the appropriate times.

“I swear I’ve never laughed so hard when that ball hit Jaehyun’s face,” Johnny teases. Jaehyun’s ears turn bright pink but he’s laughing along. Johnny just has that effect on people, makes them feel welcome all the time. Ten bites into his toast a little more aggressively than necessary, still bitter at the fact that his classes barely coincide with his best friend’s.

He feels a soft tap on his arm, effectively interrupting his thoughts. Ten looks over at Taeyong who’s offering him a napkin, pointing at Ten’s chest and oh, great. A glob of jam has fallen on his otherwise spotless necktie. Ten takes the napkin from Taeyong and tries to salvage his tie but it was no use.

“I can clean it for you, if you want,” Taeyong says, his voice so quiet Ten is sure he’s the only one who can hear.

“Oh, no I don’t want to be a bother…”

“Then… I can help you get the stain out? My mom taught me a couple of tricks, said that I’d be needing them now that I’m pretty much living on my own. And well…” Taeyong laughs softly, eyeing Ten’s mess of a tie.

Ten smiles at Taeyong for the first time since they arrived at this school, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Thank you, I’d appreciate the help.”

The knot in Ten’s stomach unfurls. Maybe, just maybe, Taeyong isn’t all that bad.

✧✧✧

If Ten knew that detention didn’t comprise of just sitting in a classroom after school hours, mulling over his behavior, then he never would have deliberately fought and disobeyed his lab partner. (Qian Kun was a know-it-all but for valid reasons. Ten just didn’t want to admit that to his face.) One tiny explosion later and now Ten has to clean up the entire courtyard for a week, in the middle of February, when he was already freezing his ass off and missing the sun.

Ten trudges down the path towards the outdoor shed, cursing the mud mixed with melted snow that was sticking to his shoes. There’s a note waiting by the door when Ten arrives. _Mr. Lee, you will find the cleaning supplies in the supply closet. Please take care not to break anything._ Sounds straightforward enough.

Ten grabs a shovel and a broom from the closet and gets to work immediately, not wanting to waste another second in detention. He’d much rather be sitting in the café with a warm cup of coffee, or even getting a head start on homework. This is truly a waste of his time. Best to get it over with.

He’s on his knees trying to clean under the benches when he hears a rustle behind him. He jumps and looks around, hitting his head on the underside of the bench in the process.

“Who’s there?!” He calls, rubbing at the sore spot on his head. The sky is getting darker and most of the other students are already inside, avoiding the cold weather.

“Relax, it’s just me,” a calm voice replies. Ten recognizes the mop of black hair peeking from behind the tall hedges.

“Taeyong? What are you doing here?”

“I help take care of the gardens sometimes,” Taeyong replies, stepping out from behind the hedges and strolling towards Ten. “What did _you_ do?”

Ten scowls at Taeyong’s accusatory tone but Taeyong just laughs, his nose scrunching up in his amusement.

“I may have accidentally blown up a lab experiment…”

“You _didn’t._ ”

“I _did_. And now I have to pay the price.” Ten starts sweeping the ground again, collecting dried leaves and depositing them in his bucket.

“But it was an honest mistake, wasn’t it? Isn’t detention a little too extreme?” Taeyong asks, following beside Ten and kicking up a few stray leaves his way.

“Well, it _would_ have been just a mistake… if I didn’t yell at my lab partner and completely ignore the instructions…” Ten refuses to meet Taeyong’s eyes, already reaching his breaking point of humiliation.

“Oh, Ten…” Taeyong just laughs softly, shaking his head.

They spend the rest of Ten’s detention making idle conversation, talking about homework and club activities, movie recommendations and summer break plans. It was surprisingly easy to talk to Taeyong, Ten realizes. He finds the other boy’s presence calming, the hours passing by like no time at all.

Taeyong heads back to the dorms first, leaving Ten to pack up his supplies, the warmth in his chest warding off the winter chill.

✧ 2 ✧

At some point during their first year, Ten spontaneously joined the football team. They were told they should have at least one extracurricular activity, something to keep them sane amidst their studies. And while Ten’s parents would have probably preferred him joining the debate team or a chess club, something in Ten just wanted him to _move._

On his first day of practice, he missed the ball more times than he’d like to admit before he could successfully pass to a teammate. It took even longer to get the ball inside the net (and that was _without_ the goalie). But Ten was quick and light on his feet. He could make it to one side of the field and back without even breaking a sweat, way ahead some of the other first years.

Now just starting his second year on the team and the coach has already made him a starting player. He still hasn’t told his parents about it, knowing they’ll only berate him and convince him to focus on his studies. This was something he was doing just for him and he wasn’t about to let anyone take it away.

“Told you all those late night practices were gonna work,” Yuta says, nudging Ten with his elbow while the coach continues to rattle on his plans for the year.

“Have I ever told you how awesome you are?” Ten grins up at him in response.

The two haven’t always been close, usually just forced to hang out during their parents’ company dinners. But Yuta always managed to get into some crazy shit even during the most boring events and dragged Ten along through most of it. He encouraged the side of Ten that just wanted to disobey the rules and do his own thing. And when he heard that Ten wanted to get into the football team without his parents’ knowledge? Oh, he was Ten’s number one supporter.

Ten hops from foot to foot, his energy just waiting to burst, impatiently waiting for their coach to end his spiel so he can _finally_ play.

✧✧✧

The downside of Ten joining the team, however, was that his grades were slipping and his parents were starting to notice.

“I need to keep them off my back,” Ten mutters, biting into his toast.

“I mean… if you would just _study,_ ” Johnny teases, ignoring the piece of bread that comes flying at him.

“It’s not that I’m not _trying,_ my brain just isn’t processing anything these days.” Ten chews silently, deep in thought.

“Hey, Taeyong, why don’t you tutor Ten?” Johnny suggests out of the blue. Ten glances at Taeyong, sitting across him, wide eyes even wider in surprise. “He’s a great teacher,” Johnny continues, patting Taeyong on the shoulder.

Taeyong coughs while drinking his orange juice, his cheeks and ears growing redder by the second. “Well, I wouldn’t mind…” he finally says after clearing his throat.

“Would you really? You’re a lifesaver!” Ten exclaims, sitting back in his chair in relief. Taeyong just nods, looking back down on his food, the red on his face refusing to fade.

✧✧✧

“I give up,” Ten groans, burying his face into his open textbook.

“Come on, we literally just started,” Taeyong whispers, glancing back at the librarian who’s been sending death glares whenever Ten voiced out his complaints.

“I regret to inform you that I am a lost cause.” Ten turns his head to face Taeyong, cheek still squished against his book.

“I’m not letting you give up that easily,” Taeyong huffs, slapping his notebook on the back of Ten’s head. Ten winces, more out of surprise than pain, and finally sits back up.

“What was that for?!” 

Taeyong shushes him before the librarian has a chance to. “I know algebra seems useless right now but you need to at least pass your classes to even stay on the team, right?”

Ten nods begrudgingly, picking his pencil back up and turning to the equations on his book again.

“It’s not so hard, really, it just takes practice.” Taeyong slides the textbook closer to him, leaning his head close to Ten’s so he can see.

Ten tries his best to listen, he really does. Taeyong _is_ a great teacher. He just has to deal with the way his heart starts beating faster at the sudden close proximity.

✧✧✧

“I did it!” 

It’s been a couple of weeks of nonstop tutoring and Ten has finally managed to get a grasp on his math classes. He glances at the boy sitting next to him and is greeted by a softly snoring Taeyong, glasses askew but still perched on his nose.

Ten giggles, carefully removing Taeyong’s glasses and setting them aside. Taeyong has always been nice, but he looks even sweeter while he’s asleep, even with the trail of drool hanging on the corner of his mouth. Ten gently shakes the sleeping boy awake, after seeing how late it’s gotten.

“Wh- what time is it?” Taeyong asks, using his sleeve to wipe at his mouth. He squints at the bright light coming from his phone and Ten can’t help but think he looks adorable, messy hair and all. “Oh shit, we better head back to the dorms. Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?”

“I was, uh, really into my homework?”

“Well did you at least finish it?”

“Yeah! I think I finally got it, actually.”

“Oh, wow. Congratulations.” Taeyong has the nerve to smirk at Ten, as if to say _I told you so._ Ten just shakes his head, smiling as he packs up his things.

The thing about staying at the library until late at night is that the librarian may have given up on kicking them out but the security guards know full well they shouldn’t still be out after curfew. Ten and Taeyong have gotten exceptionally good at sneaking around the corridors and into the dorm building without anyone noticing them.

“Wait,” Ten whispers, dragging Taeyong back behind a pillar by the entrance hall, not meaning to pin him against it but blushing at the contact anyway. The guard manning the desk stands up, making his way to the back room, probably for a bathroom break. Ten grabs Taeyong’s hand without much thought and runs straight for the stairs leading up to their rooms, feet light and barely making a sound.

They’re breathless by the time they reach Taeyong and Johnny’s room. For some reason, Taeyong doesn’t immediately go inside, hesitating before letting his hand drop from the doorknob. He scuffs his foot against the clean white tiles and Ten sees him wince as his shoes leave a trail of mud.

“Well, goodnight then?” Ten says, his voice lilting up in a question, as if he’s unsure whether he wants to leave or not.

“Wait, um,” Ten can tell Taeyong’s hesitating again, before he takes him by surprise, grabbing a hold of Ten’s hands in both of his. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you. Really.”

The hallway is empty except for the two of them, so dim that Ten can barely make out the features of Taeyong’s face, but his eyes are still shining and Ten _finally_ admits that he’s absolutely whipped.

✧✧✧

Hell week isn’t called that for nothing.

The days leading up to the dreaded week saw Ten camping out in the library, sometimes with Johnny and Jaehyun, sometimes with Yuta, and almost always with Taeyong. It felt like they were all stuck in a strange dimension where teachers weren’t dumping assignments on them but they all knew what was to come. There was a sort of camaraderie whenever they saw each other in the hallways, nose stuck in a book or a tablet, or seeing the most unlikely groups sharing tables and exchanging notes.

Ten found out his roommate, Doyoung, was actually close friends with his self-proclaimed rival, Kun, when he walked in on them studying together in their room. Well, studying and also making not-so-secret heart eyes at each other. Ten had to admit that Kun wasn’t all bad either. He made Doyoung laugh which was a sight he doesn’t think he’s ever seen before.

Those two are also probably the smartest kids in school and while they weren’t as good as Taeyong at getting Ten to understand things, he still learned a lot from them. Or he was at least inspired by how hard they worked at their studies. His parents would be proud.

The _actual_ hell week passed by like a blur to Ten. There was nothing else aside from him, his pens and number two pencils, and the next class. He was running on pure caffeine and instant ramen which was probably not the best idea but no one has time to eat a proper meal when you’re cramming last minute studying in between exams.

By the time it was Friday afternoon, Ten had drained every last bit of energy and brain power he had. His body told him to go back to his room and sleep the weekend away, but being surrounded by his friends, all commiserating over the first proper meal they’ve had in days, made Ten feel lighter and a lot less alone. Like all their collective stress just disappeared.

Until their results were released.

Ten’s legs won’t stop shaking under his desk. It’s his first class of the day and the teacher is already handing out their checked exam sheets. He feels like throwing up, honestly. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to stuff himself at breakfast, but he’s a nervous eater.

When the teacher stops at his desk, he’s already half expecting to see a frown on her face. But she just gives him an approving nod and moves on to the next student. Ten looks down at the paper in front of him, his grade circled in red ink. He lets out the breath he’s been holding, slumping back in his chair and feeling every tense muscle in his body relaxing.

It’s not the highest grade, not even the highest he’s ever gotten in his life, but it’s enough to bring up his average, keeping him on the team and his parents off his back. Ten faces the rest of the day with a lot more optimism, happy and relieved that all his hard work actually paid off.

When he gets out of his last class and sees Taeyong tying his shoelaces down the hall, he can’t stop the excitement bubbling inside him. He takes off running, weaving in between the crowd of students spilling out from their own classrooms.

“Taeyongie!” Ten calls, skidding to a stop just as Taeyong stands back up. His surprised face is the last thing Ten sees before he throws his arms around the other boy. “Thank you thank you thank you-”

“Ten! Stop,” Taeyong says, but he’s laughing and holding onto Ten anyway. “I take it you passed?”

“Yes!” Ten exclaims, not minding the looks they were getting. He pulls back a bit to face Taeyong, hands still on his shoulders while Taeyong is still holding onto his waist. “I couldn’t have done it without you, really.”

“No, it was all you,” Taeyong replies, his neck flushing at the sincerity in Ten’s voice.

“Taeyong, please, take credit just this once.” Ten laughs as Taeyong splutters in protest. He slings his arm around Taeyong and leads him down the hallway. “Come on, let’s get dinner. My treat!”

Outside, the trees are growing back their leaves and flowers. The air is crisp but not as cold and harsh as it was in the middle of winter. It feels like ages since Ten’s been able to breathe this deeply.

✧ 3 ✧

_Well, this feels familiar._

It’s the beginning of summer and Ten was just starting to wonder when he’d see his friends again when Johnny gives him a call. True to his sociable personality type, he wants to throw a party while his parents are away on a business trip. So of course Ten goes, and he’s pleasantly surprised to see so many familiar faces.

One familiar face in particular draws him to a corner of Johnny’s living room.

“Ten! Hi!” Taeyong greets him, making room on the couch so Ten can squeeze in beside him. He’s nursing a plastic cup in his hand filled with what Ten can only assume to be alcohol, judging by the warmth radiating off of Taeyong.

“I see you’ve gotten started without me,” Ten teases, raising his own cup to tap it against Taeyong’s.

“Got here early,” Taeyong explains, rolling his eyes but still smiling. “Someone has to make sure Johnny doesn’t get in trouble.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that someone is gonna be you, sweetie.” Ten giggles as Taeyong pinches his arm, wondering what’s gotten into him. This is a side of Taeyong he’s barely gotten a glimpse of. Playful, uninhibited, free.

They keep talking as the night drags on, laughing at Johnny’s many clumsy mishaps and the dumb fond look on Jaehyun’s face. There’s Yuta trying to start up a hybrid game of truth or dare and spin the bottle, the two games Johnny’s cousin from Canada just taught them. Said cousin, Mark, can’t stop giggling at Yuta’s antics which just spurs him on even more. Doyoung and Kun made it too, but gave up on trying to be the voices of reason. 

Now they’re settled on barstools next to the alcohol to keep watch, feet swinging and occasionally brushing against each other, heads pressed close together while watching funny videos on Doyoung’s phone. Seeing them, all of them, gets Ten thinking. That maybe he wants that closeness the others have, he wants someone to look at him the way some of them look at each other. And it gets him thinking that maybe he doesn’t have to look too far.

Ten has settled back into the couch, having run out of energy from the continuous bursts of singing and dancing. He can feel Taeyong nodding off beside him, his head dangerously close to leaning on Ten’s shoulder. They’re pressed so close against each other that Ten’s beginning to sweat despite the air-conditioned room, but he just doesn’t want to give up the contact.

“Hey, Yongie?” Ten whispers, not wanting to disturb Taeyong if he’s fallen asleep.

Taeyong hums in acknowledgement, burying deeper into Ten’s side.

“Do you… maybe want to go out sometime?” Ten bites his lip, feeling like he’s laying it all on the line.

The question definitely wakes Taeyong up. He sits up a bit, blinking down at Ten who kind of just wants to sink into the cushions. But then he smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners, as he reaches out to take Ten’s hands in his own.

“I’d love to.”

Ten swears if he died at that moment, at least he would have died happy.

✧✧✧

When their third year starts, Ten feels like he’s walking on clouds. 

He spent a lot of time with Taeyong over the summer, sometimes with their friends, most of the time just the two of them. Most of that time was spent just getting to know each other more. He learned that Taeyong’s parents are loving but overprotective and have certain expectations of him, something Ten could definitely relate to. His family owns a large chain of flower shops and they expect him to take over some day. He also has an older sister who’s about to get married and Taeyong’s been worrying about the speech he has to give at the reception. He learned that Taeyong felt intimidated when he met Ten again two years ago, but that impression went away the first time he saw Ten laughing with Johnny.

“You felt… warm. And so bright.”

He laughed while Ten hid his face in his hands.

When he found out that Taeyong used to cover up the scar below his eye with makeup, he traced his fingers around it and kissed him for the first time right on that spot. Then on the lips. Again and again until they dissolved into a fit of delirious giggles.

He learned that Taeyong is still extremely fond of animals. He stops to pet every stray cat he sees and picks up tiny frogs whenever he's out on a walk. He's also always sad to leave his aquarium behind, every time he has to go back to school. 

Ten couldn't be fonder.

Now he wakes up earlier every day, even before Doyoung’s alarm goes off, just so he can go on morning walks with Taeyong. He actually gets to eat breakfast on time now too. Johnny likes to tease him about how Taeyong’s such a good influence on him but he really couldn't agree more.

Ten also loves showering Taeyong with public displays of affection, hand holding being high up on his list, just below sitting so close together that they might as well be on each other’s laps. It amuses him to no end whenever Taeyong’s face flushes red when they're in the middle of studying at the library and he steals a kiss on his cheek.

But he loves it even more when it's just the two of them or even when they're with their closest friends and Taeyong gets all clingy. He has no problem with massaging Ten’s shoulders or playing with his fingers, leaning close so they can talk in hushed voices in the middle of the night.

“Why are you looking at us like that?” Ten asks Johnny one Saturday night, while he’s hanging out in their room and watching movies on Taeyong’s laptop.

“Nothing, just admiring my handiwork.” Johnny grins at them, all smug, while packing up his books before he leaves for a study date with Jaehyun.

“What do you mean?” Ten asks, ignoring the choked sound coming from Taeyong.

“Let’s just say when I suggested that he should tutor you, I knew he wouldn’t be able to say no.” Johnny laughs as he slings his bag on his shoulder, leaving the room before Ten could ask any more questions.

“What did he mean by that?” Ten turns the question onto Taeyong, whose face is currently buried in his pillow. He answers but his words are muffled by said pillow, so Ten tries his best to pull it away from him. After a few minutes of wrestling on the bed, Ten succeeds by poking at a very ticklish Taeyong.

“I already liked you then!” Taeyong admits, holding his hands up in defeat.

“Oh? Do elaborate.” Ten just laughs as Taeyong throws a pillow at his face.

“I wouldn’t have said no… because I already liked you then and Johnny was trying to set us up.”

“Aw, babe, you had a crush on me? That’s so embarrassing!” 

It takes a few more minutes of Taeyong exacting his revenge by giving Ten a taste of his own medicine before they finally settle down again and actually get to picking the next movie. 

It’s crazy how quickly Taeyong became a source of comfort for Ten (and vice versa, he hopes). Or maybe it was just a matter of time, of fate playing around with them ever since they first met ten years ago. Whatever it was, Ten’s just glad to be where he is right now. Nestled against Taeyong’s side, head resting on his chest, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat.

✧✧✧

It’s the final game of the season.

They didn’t quite make it to the finals but today they have a chance to at least secure third place in the championships. It’s still a chance for Ten to prove to himself how far he’s gotten.

“You ready?” 

Yuta pats Ten’s shoulder, shaking him from spiraling too deep into his thoughts. Ten nods and follows Yuta out of the locker room. Out on the field, the other team is already warming up, stretching and doing a couple of drills. Ten’s eyes continue to scan the crowd gathered on the bleachers, looking for one person in particular. 

When he catches sight of those familiar, soft, dark brown eyes, he feels a thousand times lighter.

Ten spends most of the game running back and forth in the middle of the field, assisting both their defenders and strikers. The game is stuck in a tie and has been for about thirty minutes now. With only ten minutes left on the clock, both teams have been getting antsy, struggling to score just one more point.

Then the other team misses.

The ball, still in play, comes flying towards Ten. He jumps up to stop it with his chest, getting the breath knocked out of him, but he continues dribbling the ball to the other side. Ten passes to Yuta, their team’s main striker, but there’s someone ready to block him from the goal. The crowd’s groans are audible and Ten doesn’t even take a second to think before sprinting down the field to meet Yuta.

The world doesn’t move in slow motion when Yuta kicks the ball to Ten. There’s no dramatic montage of Ten’s journey when he shoots the ball into the opponent’s goal. It all happens in a flash and before Ten knows it, he has an armful of Yuta cheering directly into his ear while the rest of his team rush over to celebrate with them.

In the midst of cheers and pats on the back from his teammates, Ten is preoccupied. He looks around for Taeyong again and finds him almost immediately, still in the same spot he saw him at the beginning of the game. But this time he’s standing on his seat, arms raised and shouting towards Ten despite his voice getting lost in the noise. Ten isn't confident in his lip reading skills but he swears he can see Taeyong yelling _“That’s my boyfriend! ”_

Ten winks at him and blows him a kiss, causing the other boy to blush fiercely. He hides his face in his hands and ducks down and Ten wants to do nothing more than pry those hands away from his beautiful face. To see him smiling up close and pepper him with kisses.

Oh, well. They’ll have plenty of time for that later.

✧ 4 ✧

Yuta calls Ten in the summer, just a couple of weeks before their senior year, to give him the big news.

“You want _me_ to be your co-captain?!” Ten shrieks into his phone, earning a disapproving glance from his mother.

“Yes! Why is that so hard to believe?” Yuta chuckles on the other line.

“I just… are you _sure_ about this?” Ten lowers his voice, leaving the dining table where he was having lunch with his parents before Yuta called.

“Of course. I trust you, Ten, and you bring up the team’s morale. Plus it’ll look good on your transcript.” Ten can already picture Yuta rolling his eyes at the last part. He hasn’t really thought about that, but it’s true. It _would_ benefit his college applications, a problem that still felt so far away.

Ten hangs up the phone after thanking Yuta about a dozen more times. He wants to tell Taeyong the good news but his parents were probably already annoyed at him leaving the table, so he goes back, leaving his phone on silent this time.

“What’s this about being a captain?” His dad asks before he even has a chance to sit down.

“ _Co-captain_ , dad. And that was Yuta, the Nakamotos’ son? He wants me to be the football team’s co-captain.” Ten chews his food slowly, already dreading the conversation.

“A bit of a troublemaker, that one, isn’t he?” His mom asks, knowing full well what Yuta’s gotten up to when he was a kid.

“Well, yeah, but he’s a great teammate and it’s an honor to work with him.” Ten’s grip on his chopsticks tightens, trying to keep his cool.

“We just don’t want you to be influenced by him, son.”

“And are you sure your _sport_ isn’t interfering with your studies?”

Ten stands up, collecting his plate and glass of water, wanting to escape from the interrogation that was sure to get even more frustrating.

“Yuta, and the rest of my friends for that matter, have been nothing but the best. And even if they weren’t, you have no right to tell me who to hang out with. And _yes,_ football keeps me busy. But I can manage my own workload. Please have a little more faith in me.” Ten leaves the table, an awkward silence falling over the household.

He counts down the days until the next semester.

✧✧✧

When he gets back to school, Ten throws himself into football. Partly because he actually enjoys being Yuta’s co-captain and partly out of pure spite for his parents.

“I’ve barely seen you since the semester started, what’s up?” Johnny asks, having run into Ten in the hallway.

Ten looks up from the water fountain where he’s been refilling his bottle to see an unfamiliar, concerned look on his best friend’s face.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve just been busy with practice.” Ten shrugs, hoping to appease Johnny. He tries to head out to his next class but Johnny stops him with a hand on his arm.

“Do me a favor and check in with Taeyong? I can’t have him moping around in our room all year.” Johnny tries to laugh it off but Ten can tell it’s bothering him.

“I’ll drop by your room later, promise.”

“Thanks for the warning!” Ten splutters in embarrassment at the insinuation in Johnny’s voice.

He goes through the rest of the day, wondering if he really has been neglecting the people close to him, guilt sneaking past his defenses. That night, he greets Taeyong with an apologetic smile and a slice of his favorite cheesecake from the school café. Taeyong seems confused by the gesture at first, but welcomes Ten’s company anyway, never one to say no to a sweet treat.

✧✧✧

Ten doesn’t mean to neglect his studies and his friends, especially Taeyong, but it just happens. Studying just reminds him of how much control his parents have had on his life and practice has been leaving him too tired to even socialize. He tries. But maybe not hard enough.

He reaches for his phone on his nightstand, done showering after a long day and ready to just bury himself under his blankets, and types out a message to Taeyong, deleting and retyping until he gives up and just hits “send”.

_hey babe, i dont think i can make it tonight_

_oh_

_thats ok, rest well!_

_i_ _will! see you tmw <3_

_goodnight <3 _

✧✧✧

“You’re late again,” Taeyong sighs, his textbooks already scattered around him.

“I’m so sorry, practice ran late and Yuta needed help packing up,” Ten says, pulling out the chair across Taeyong’s. It’s been happening more often lately. Ten knows this. He’s trying but it’s starting to feel like it’s not enough.

“You could have texted, at least. I thought you forgot.” Taeyong looks stressed, more so than usual. He can’t seem to stop fiddling with the pen in his hand and he refuses to meet Ten’s eyes. Ten wrestles with himself for a moment before speaking again, afraid to hear the answer to his question.

“Is something wrong?”

Taeyong shakes his head, looking determined to go back to his work, but Ten can tell his hands are shaking. He reaches out to hold onto them but Taeyong flinches at the movement. Taeyong takes a deep breath, finally locking eyes with him.

“I can’t spend the entire year waiting for you, not when I’m not even sure if you want to be here at all,” Taeyong confesses, sounding defeated.

“What do you mean? Of _course_ I want to be here. Taeyong, what’s going on…” Ten doesn’t dare move a muscle, afraid he’ll scare off the boy in front of him.

“You’re always tired when we see each other. Sometimes it’s like you’re not even there.”

“I _am_ always tired, you know how much effort I’m putting into the team.”

“I know, and I don’t want you to stop. But I think we need a break.” Taeyong closes his eyes at that, holding his pen in a death grip, knuckles white.

_“What?_ No!” Ten’s voice rises, ignoring the stares from the other people in the library.

“Please keep your voice down,” Taeyong pleads, his lips trembling.

“Taeyong, I-”

“It’s just a break, I promise. I want you to focus on your goals and I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

“But you’re not!”

“I don’t want to feel like an obligation, Ten. Just… get back to me when you’re ready.” With that, Taeyong pushes his chair back, standing up and gathering his things in his arms. He sends one last wobbly smile at Ten and leaves.

Ten hasn’t felt this empty in years.

✧✧✧

Ten drives himself even harder during practice, not wanting to be caught unoccupied for a single second. His life currently consists of classes, football, sleep, and instant noodles whenever he remembers to eat. At night, he lies awake for hours, unable to fall asleep no matter how tired his body is.

“You’re killing yourself with what you’re doing, you know.” Doyoung’s busy studying in their room, his small desk barely has enough room for all the notes and lab reports he has spread out. It’s a Sunday night and Yuta called off practice for the whole weekend (probably because his parents were coming to visit).

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ten mumbles, his cheeks full of chocolate ice cream.

“Oh, please. I know it’s about Taeyong.” Doyoung swivels around on his chair to face his roommate, wrapped up like a burrito on his bed and watching rom coms from the 00s. “Do you want me to call Johnny?”

“No, he might be busy. Besides, Taeyong probably needs his company too.” Ten turns back to his movie, not noticing Doyoung typing furiously on his phone.

Around half an hour later, just as Ten’s movie ends, Kun shows up outside their door, a plastic bag full of fried chicken in his arms. That night, Ten realizes what he’s been missing out on. He forgot how much comfort being around friends brought him. Forgot how much sense he needed to be knocked into him.

“He said you should get back to him when you’re ready, right?” Kun asks, finishing off the last piece of chicken. Ten nods, his mood sullen again when he remembers how sad Taeyong looked that day. “Then what’s stopping you now? You’re like, a wreck without him.” Ten chucks a pillow across the room when Doyoung snickers at that.

“I’m scared, okay? I’m scared it’ll just happen all over again and when it does, he’ll break it off for good. How do I know I’m ready?”

“I don’t think you can ever be sure of it,” Doyoung says, throwing the pillow back to Ten, who catches it and hugs it tightly. “But you already know where you went wrong, and you already know what life’s like without him. I think all you need to do… is, well, try your best so that it doesn’t happen again.”

“And don’t be afraid to _talk._ He knows how stressed you’ve been, but do you know what’s been going on with _him?_ Maybe he got so upset because he needed someone to talk to, to be there for him too.”

Ten mulls the advice over in his head, thanking Kun for bringing the food and watching as Doyoung walks him to the door before they could get caught missing curfew. They spend a while talking outside so Ten starts cleaning up and getting ready for bed. He’s still afraid, and he doesn’t think he can deal with the stress before his next game on Friday.

_If we win, then I’ll tell him._

“Hey, Doie. Thanks,” Ten says, back under his blankets by the time Doyoung comes back.

“Please don’t call me that. And no problem, just don’t fuck it up again.”

✧✧✧

They lost.

All those days Ten and his team spent practicing until it felt like their feet were about to fall off… wasted. It’s not the last game he’ll ever play and they still have work to do. He told himself he’d win before facing Taeyong again.

But Ten is tired. 

He drags his feet in his muddy shoes all the way back to the dorms, knees aching from the dive he took earlier. He’s so tired that it feels like he’s on autopilot when he sees Taeyong’s reflection on the glass doors, coming up behind him. 

Ten spins around and locks eyes with Taeyong. It feels like there should be some kind of dramatic music playing in the background but all he can hear is the soft drizzle of rain and his own labored breathing. He doesn’t stop to think as he walks towards Taeyong, doesn’t bother to stop himself when his entire body slumps onto Taeyong’s chest, doesn’t hide the shiver that runs through his body when Taeyong’s arms lift up to wrap around him.

Taeyong may be scrawny, but Ten has never felt more secure in his entire life.

✧✧✧

They’re sitting across each other in the school café, after Ten’s cleaned himself up from the grime of the game, a cup of coffee in his hands and hot chocolate in Taeyong’s. Ten thought he’d be more uneasy once he spoke to Taeyong again, but he feels nothing but comfort, especially after he just got his pride crushed.

“Do you… always come to watch?” Ten asks, peering shyly over his cup.

“Yeah, you’ve been off your game.” Taeyong chuckles as Ten pouts at him, kicking at his feet under the table.

“Can I ask you something?” Ten’s voice turns softer, more serious, eyes leveling with Taeyong. He nods, blushing under Ten’s gaze. “Please tell me if there’s ever anything bothering you, if there’s something going on in your life and you need someone to talk to. You’ve been supporting me so much and I want you to know that this relationship is mutual, okay?”

“Oh, Ten…” Taeyong pauses, taking a deep breath. “Well, last summer my parents sat me down for a talk. They wanted to go over the procedure for when I take over the shops and they showed me all the business schools they’ve been looking into.”

Ten nods, encouraging him to go on and steeling himself to place his hand on Taeyong’s for the first time in ages.

“I told them I wouldn’t mind overseeing a branch or two but that I’m not interested in going into business. I’ve wanted to become a vet ever since I was a kid and I’ve already done my own research on the best schools.”

“How’d they take it?” Ten asks, rubbing his thumb along the back of Taeyong’s hand, not planning to let go any time soon.

“They were disappointed at first, but I’ve never really asked them for anything before so they knew how important this must be for me.” Taeyong smiles, turning over his hand so he could hold Ten’s properly. “I _know_ our relationship is mutual. I would have never had the courage to speak up to my parents if I never met you. You’ve helped me in more ways than you can imagine and I love you for that.”

“I love you too.” Ten blushes, having never said those words to each other before. “And I’m sorry I neglected you. I was so far up my ass and my own anger at my parents. That wasn’t fair to you.”

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel guilty. I _was_ feeling lonely but I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted you to focus on what you had to do.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” Taeyong laughs as Ten lifts their intertwined fingers to his lips. They just sit there and talk for almost an hour, basking in each other’s presence.

“We’re both still so busy,” Ten says, when they’re back at the dorms, outside Taeyong’s door.

“We are.”

“But we can make time?”

“We will.”

✧✧✧

It doesn’t take a lot of time for Ten to adjust to a healthier routine. When he stops obsessing about his parents’ opinion of him, he starts feeling a lot lighter. Football season comes to a close with their team placing third again, despite a couple of tragic losses. It doesn’t crush Ten as much as he thought it would. More than that, he just feels accomplished. He tried something new and kind of succeeded at it, which is already more than he could say for his past self.

Exams come and go, nothing exciting aside from the mini breakdown Doyoung had (in which Kun decided to distract him by kissing him, earning them a few catcalls from their lunch table). Ten didn’t really care about his college applications but he knew almost everyone else did, so he tried his best to be supportive, often quizzing Taeyong during their lunch breaks then forcing him to relax by the end of the day.

In almost no time at all, their last year is coming to a close.

It’s become a senior tradition to spend one of their last nights before graduation on the dorm rooftop. The security guards pretend not to know but they always remind the students to be careful before they head up there. Taeyong calls Ten to remind him to bring his fluffy blanket and he dutifully follows, wrapping it around his boyfriend once they’re out in the open air.

Johnny’s brought out the contraband wine he’s been hiding the entire semester and passes plastic cups around their group. “Classy,” Doyoung comments, but he takes a sip anyway.

“Cheers to us!” Yuta shouts, raising his cup and the rest follow suit.

Ten sits back, watching the others laugh and reminisce about the four years they’ve spent together. All those class trips they’ve been on, the house parties over the summers, the pranks they’ve pulled on teachers, and the half-baked conversations they’d have while pulling all-nighters. In the middle of Yuta interrogating Jaehyun about the morning he found Johnny on his bed, a couple of girls from their class come over to pull them onto the dance floor, the music spilling out from someone’s bluetooth speakers. 

After just a couple of songs and a few more drinks in his system, Ten’s just about ready to retire. He sits back down on the mountain of pillows they brought with them and smiles lazily as Taeyong stumbles towards him, landing rather ungracefully on top of him. He giggles as he rolls over on his side, propping his head on his hand and gazing softly at Ten.

“What are you thinking about?” Taeyong asks, using his free hand to card through Ten’s already unruly hair.

“Mmm, nothing, just enjoying the moment.” Ten waggles his eyebrows while Taeyong playfully tugs his hair at the cheesy answer. “No, really, I’m just thinking about when we’ll ever get to hang out like this again.”

Taeyong brushes his thumb along Ten’s wistful smile, eyebrows furrowing at the thought. “We’ll make time for each other, remember?”

“I know,” Ten sighs. “But you’ll be off saving animals and Johnny will be travelling around the world and I’ll just be… who knows where.”

“You’ll be wherever you want to be, Ten.”

Ten smiles at that, knowing it to be true. He may not have the specifics yet, but that’s part of what makes life exciting. He’s finally free to get to know himself, make more mistakes, continue to get lost and then find himself again and again. 

And on this night, surrounded by his friends’ laughter and Taeyong’s warmth, he knows he’ll always have a place to come back to.

**Author's Note:**

> so!! thank you for making it all the way to the end! this is the longest fic i've ever written and probably the one i've struggled the most with. this was supposed to be something much different (a hogwarts au, actually, but fuck jkr right) but i tried to keep the same themes i wanted to write. still, i hope you enjoyed reading this and let me know what you think!
> 
> big big thanks to our fest mod, shreya! go check out the rest of the fics in this collection!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/suhreaiist/) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/suhrealist)


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